A Thousand Cuts Death by Social Media (06-08-23)

 
What changes when we ignore the impulse to post?

To access all the previously published posts in this weekly series, click the Social Media category in the right hand column. NB: Posts that appear to be fine

 

Last week I shared one striking observation from the first 7 days of 2018 when as an experiment I decided to completely abstain from Facebook. That when the impulse to post to social media is not immediately attended to, the thoughts we just let lie have a way of expanding, collecting connected ideas and developing into stuff of far greater significance and impact.

But as I asked last week: Why should we care?

There are at least two angles from which you might consider the question of posting to social media vs. keeping your thoughts to yourself at the initial moment you first notice them.

1. The Impact on the Thoughts Themselves.
2. The Impact on Your Thinking in General.

The Impact on the Ideas Themselves:

As I mentioned last week, what struck me right away was the expansive scope and depth of my ideas as I left them alone to hang out in my unconscious mind. I suspect this may be related to at least two important differences between an idea I immediately post and one I let sit. The idea that is immediately hurled into the shared public space of Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, etc. is probably less likely to be retained unless and until you receive significant feedback (either positive or negative) from other people. No matter how thin or ephemeral an idea of yours is, once you post it to a platform where you know you’ll be able to find it in future and it will very likely be seen by members of the community, there’s a feeling of having completed a task. And so, it’s less likely to hold space in your brain. The chances of you returning to it again that day, later that week or month are tied in large part to the response it engenders. If your post generates heated debate, gushy support or even (the rarest most coveted response) shares, the idea will connect to your ego and so you’ll very likely remember it. But you’ll remember it primarily insofar as it conveys something memorable about your status in your online community. And so, the idea is slightly diminished as an independent  concept or thought. Before you posted it, it lived in its own context and drew your attention to it without necessarily pointing to something specific about you and your value in the world. 

It turns out when you have an idea during the course of your day, one that you find interesting, and you don’t write it down or post it to social media, your brain works to remember it. And the primary means of not losing the idea completely is kind of obvious but also kind of wonderful. Your brain uncovers associations, other images, memories or thoughts that may relate to the idea in ways that will resonate with you emotionally, thus increasing the odds of remembering. 

So, in a day or two or three, the initial idea that I may have been tempted to post to social media has expanded into a web of related ideas, memories, images, associations that my unconscious mind has dug up while I was busy working on other things. 

And having been left alone to transform and connect and extend, the slight possibly clever thought from yesterday now carries far potential usefulness for any number of puzzles, projects or problems. Chances are there will be unanticipated positives to reap on a variety of fronts. 

Something else happens to your idea when you let it simmer in your unconscious mind for a little bit rather than hoisting it immediately into the public sphere. The idea has an opportunity to crystalize and deepen, taking on greater significance and potentially make a stronger impact on the world. And as its author, that should please you very much.

The Impact on Your Thinking in General:

But what do you imagine might be the impact on your thinking in general when you set aside the impulse to post every little thought that crosses your mind?

I can report having observed a couple of striking shifts.

Overall, within a couple days of my social media hiatus, I noticed a calmness taking hold. I tend to be a worrier in general. That’s my nature. Often as I move through a busy day, I expend a lot of energy hurrying to make sure I’m not late to my next appointment and when I’m teaching, there’s always a part of my brain that’s scanning the classroom looking for the one or two students who may appear lost or confused so I can be sure to address their confusion so that no one is left behind. When I stand in line at Starbucks, for example, a lot of my brain is working to confirm that I’m not in anyone’s way, that I’ve not inadvertently cut the line, that I haven’t taken up too much space. During my social media hiatus, I noticed some of these neurotic habits easing a bit. I found that as I ended one appointment and prepared for the next, I was riding a confidence that the 15 minutes I’d allotted between appointments was certainly going to be more than enough. And I even noticed myself trusting that should anyone in class feel lost, as adults they will find a way to grab my attention. 

A very perceptive friend of mine once observed a pattern in my Facebook posting. Right before a spiral into depression and isolation, he noted that I could often be observed to be posting about twice as many posts and comments as usual. He suggested that perhaps the increased frequency of posting and commenting could be traced to an acute longing for connection. So, I wonder if part of what’s happening emotionally when you remove social media posting from your day is you’re removing a means of soliciting and sometimes receiving instant gratification in the form of recognition of your value in the public sphere. 

When several people LIKE one of my posts, a couple things happen. First, any fear that I may have naively posted something stupid without recognizing it as such is put to rest because if a critical mass of people in the community hit the LIKE button, it can’t have been stupid or completely offensive. Further, the LIKES suggest that there may be something worthwhile there. Comments to my post do even more to help me feel as though I’m seen and people value my contributions to the social conversation. And when someone posts a comment disagreeing with me, it provides an opportunity to connect with an individual, to engage in a mini-debate or at least conversation and, again, immediately confirm that I’m a member of the community, someone who contributes value worthy of comment. 

What then’s the problem, you might wonder?

If you post and people LIKE and COMMENT  and sometimes even SHARE and it helps you feel as though you’re a valued member of a community, someone people see and recognize as worthy, isn’t that a good thing?

Yes and No.

 

Next week we’ll take a closer look at how human beings have traditionally derived a sense of belonging and worthiness and how social media has perverted these pathways so that it might not be surprising that we find ourselves less satisfied, less confident and less secure than ever before.