Couple nights ago the skies above Manhattan opened up to release a veritable deluge. As an unrepressed (or irrepressible) pluviophile I immediately dropped what I was doing, ran to put on my sneakers (in the country flip flops do well in a storm; not so much on the streets of NYC where the water sweeps up fecal matter from birds, dogs, humans... blech!), rip off my glasses (no one wants to try and navigate with streaks of water obscuring one's vision), don a cloth mask and fly down five flights of stairs, past the bewildered doormen and out into the joyful noise of water pouring down hard and fast and everywhere.
I had a marvelous 20min. deluge stroll. The streets emptied (as they generally do when it rains in NYC; even a drizzle can inspire even the toughest New Yorker to cancel dinner plans) and with Sixth Avenue all to myself I pulled my cloth mask down below my chin, tilted my face upward and breathed in the clarity.
It was fabulous.
Until I rounded a corner and came upon the outdoor tent of a Brazilian restaurant where I saw about 50 people dining out under the tents in tables crammed together so tightly that there was barely a foot between each table. I saw not one free spot. And the entire tent was abuzz with laughter, shouting, drinking. And I could not help but view these 20-35 year-olds as one big boisterous pre-funeral party.
How many of you will be dead in six months, I thought?
It's a terrible shameful thought to have about a group of strangers enjoying themselves. I haven't had a thought like that since the early 1990s dancefloors where, sadly, in many cases, I watched men, some my friends, dance their last hurrah before my very eyes.
What are we doing? Why are we so driven to congregate in restaurants? On dance floors, too. Heard a piece on NPR dispatched from a midsized city in China where raves (now legal again) are... well, forgive me, all the rage.
Is life no longer sweet enough? No longer worth waiting for?
I love the rain. Probably always will.
I hate the feeling of fear and loathing that these pandemic times will not seem to let me shake.
