The Winning Mr. Softee Lyric is Announced!

After days of arduous nail-biting debate, we have an official winner to the "Put Words in Mister Softee's Cone" Lyric Contest. Congratulations to E.C. regular contributor, Robert David Sullivan, whose lyric appears below. Mr. Sullivan wins an all-expenses paid trip to the original Ben & Jerry's store in Vermont so that he can thoroughly cleanse his palette of the taste of pseudo-ice cream. Congratulations, Robert!

Partially melted ice cream can in fact be deadly toxic 

Equally fatal as that bagel topped with week-old lox – ick! 

Lick it, lick it, risk brain freeze 

Lick it, lick it, till you start to sneeze 

City of Gotham warns you not eat an uncooked weiner 

They say our streets are mean, our street food's even meaner

Comments

[Yvonne Delet]

1.

Wow...well done Robert...Although I was a big fan of David Licata's lyric as well.

[David Licata]

2.

Awww, schucks.

Yours was very funny as well. All were deserving of an all-expense paid trip to Vermont for real ice cream. New York Super Fudge Chunk.... yummm.....

[Robert David Sullivan]

3.

Yes, I enjoyed all the entries. We should have another lyric-writing contest.

My muse was the great food writer M.F.K. Fisher, whose works I'm now reading. Most of her stuff is about the wonders of food and those who prepare it, but she does describe the effects of a bad oyster thus:

"He felt faint, and cold fingers whuddered over his skin, so that he reeled and shivered. Then he was sick, violently and often. He could barely lift his head, for the weakness and the dreadful cramps in his belly. His bowels surged, so that he felt they would drain his very heart out of him. And, God, he was thirsty, thirsty.... I'm dying, he thought, and even in his woe he regretted it, and did not believe it. But he died."

Have fun at all the summer's picnics and barbeques, everyone!