After days of arduous nail-biting debate, we have an official winner to the "Put Words in Mister Softee's Cone" Lyric Contest. Congratulations to E.C. regular contributor, Robert David Sullivan, whose lyric appears below. Mr. Sullivan wins an all-expenses paid trip to the original Ben & Jerry's store in Vermont so that he can thoroughly cleanse his palette of the taste of pseudo-ice cream. Congratulations, Robert!
Partially melted ice cream can in fact be deadly toxic
Equally fatal as that bagel topped with week-old lox – ick!
Lick it, lick it, risk brain freeze
Lick it, lick it, till you start to sneeze
City of Gotham warns you not eat an uncooked weiner
They say our streets are mean, our street food's even meaner
