
I’m sure when Rolando came up with the idea for Extra Criticum, he wasn’t doing it to bust open the world of children’s television. But he invited me to be a contributing writer, and unfortunately for him (and me!) most of what I watch is television aimed at very small children. So I’ve developed a few opinions on some stalwarts of kids tv, and here they are:
Thomas the Tank Engine is referred to by a fellow parent as “baby crack,” and he ain’t kidding. The second Henry saw that little train, he dropped whatever inappropriate thing he was shoving in his mouth and stared in wonder. While “Thomas” is a bit on the dull side, there’s something kind of homespun about it that is appealing. In this age of rampant, crazed CGI it’s kid of nice to know that something as shockingly low-tech as “Thomas” (it makes Wallace and Gromit look like The Matrix) can still grab a kid’s attention.
Barney makes me want to kill myself and everyone I know. That ridiculous voice (like he’s taken in helium while gargling ping pong balls) and those endless insipid platitudes set my teeth on edge. But guess what? Henry loves him! I think all kids do. It’s like some kind of dog whistle, but the sound is something only little kids can hear. Go figure.
Baby Einstein saved my life. Mine and my wife’s. Mind you, I make no great claims for it as education. The idea that Henry's mind expands by hearing a bunch of Mozart or Beethoven plunked out on a Casio keyboard, as soothing images of toys and lava lamps float by in the background, strikes me as a little farfetched. But it is harmless and involving and, most importantly, keeps Henry still while we feed him. It would be difficult to overstate the importance of this.
On the more positive side, let me state unequivocally that…
Sesame Street is still insanely great. There was a discussion on the site a few months back about the importance of PBS that, in all honesty, I couldn’t quite get with. But after watching Sesame Street every day for months, let me say that it alone justifies PBS’s existence.
Sesame Street manages to be both anarchic and educational at the same time. It is touching, sweet without ever being sappy, and hysterically funny (you doubt me? Check out stolid news anchor Brian Williams hopping around like a kangaroo having caught the “Mine!” virus). Sesame Street creates a kind of urban Our Town for children. And while it is of course idealized, it really does teach about things like tolerance. And it does so through example rather than preaching.
There are a few caveats – my son’s beloved Elmo has taken over the show in the way pushy subsidiary characters occasionally do (think Michael J. Fox in Family Ties). And some of the footage they show is gasp-inducingly old (I think it looked weathered back in my day). But still, Sesame Street is awesome. Check it out. You’ll laugh. I swear. I honestly think it may be one of the best things TV has ever produced. The fact that it is still fresh and exciting 25 years after the end of my childhood is nothing short of astonishing.
Well, that’s it for now. Maybe next I will look at some classic children’s literature. Like for example, has anybody here read Goodnight Moon lately? What a creepy, beautiful, strange little book it is. And it has this weird voodoo effect on kids I can’t begin to explain. But that’s next time. See ya! Sorry Rolando!